thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
