when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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