She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
