he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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