how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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