covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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