cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
