Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
