New invention idea: vibrating tampons
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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