i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
