Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
