so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
17 year olds will be the death of me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
