I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
