We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
