oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
