Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
