this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Fuck appropriateness.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
