every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
honey bunches of taint.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
