Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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