Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
