I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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