He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
why is half of my head shaved?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
