His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
