I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
