all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
