I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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