whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
