you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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