Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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