Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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