The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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