Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
