peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
