i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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