you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
