i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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