if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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