I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
