just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
