I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
