I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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