you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
