I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
