i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
