Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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