Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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