bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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