PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
