Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
