He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
